5 Reasons Why You Should NOT Host!

 Why in the...? What in the...? What was going through their head?

Having hosted multiple times throughout the last 3 short years, we have heard stories from other host parents, coordinators, students and their friends about some pretty unintelligent circumstances students were placed in... all because... the adult may not have been hosting for the right reasons.

So, to share some light on reasons why an adult should not host, I came up with 5 and share them with you here.

Have you ever wondered why in the world people open their homes to complete strangers in the name of education? There are great reasons to host foreign exchange students and NOT so great reasons. In this video I’ll be sharing my top 5 reasons why NOT to be a host parent, plus a true story, you might not believe. Coming up.

If you’re considering hosting from the slice of over a million students studying here every year, there are some things you should know about doing it wrong.  And a good place to begin is with a check on your own intentions. Here are my top 5 reasons NOT to host a FES.

Reason number 5, you have a casual respect for the rules. Now, in order for you and I to host we must fill out paperwork, pass a background check, learn program rules to live by then have a coordinator evaluation in our home. This is simply to ensure safety for the student and provides peace of mind to the student’s family who is sending their child thousands of miles from away home, whether for a week of multiple years. By abiding by the rules you are building the trust necessary to have a extraordinary year for everybody! It benefits you, the student, their natural parents, your coordinator, the agency and even other host parents whom your student may hanging out with. I’ve heard some pretty embarrassing stories of host parents breaking rules that lead to agency action, rules such as, other adults living in the home who shouldn’t be there, drinking, drug abuse and police activity. Hey, if you really don’t think the rules are meant for you, don’t bother hosting. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. Think about this, it’s not particularly fun for students to pack up and move from house to house looking for a competent adult. Do us all a favor. Keep the rules, Ok? OK! Thanks.

Reason number 4 NOT to host is that you are looking to convert a student to your religion. Now, most religions have love at its root. And if you love your student, love them enough not to make them attend your religious activities.  Most students sign paperwork declaring that they won’t make any major life changes while abroad. That makes sense, right? They are underage and away from family. In the past, some of our foreign exchange students’ friends have been required to attend religious things and that mostly makes things awkward and turns them off to religion in general. Our students appreciate knowing where we go as a family and we make it a regular point to do things together and they know they are welcome to come anyplace we go, religious or not. They’ve expressed feeling respected for those choices and we trust them in our home while we’re away. So don’t make them go to Church, OK? OK! Thanks!

Number 3. Now, as a host you’re not running a hotel or boarding school and the student isn’t just a roommate. Hosting is more than just room, board and transportation. Students come with the intent to be a part of a family and to learn and explore. Number 3 is: don’t be the emotionally absent host parent. You are in a position to invest care and your own personal style of guidance. Instead of indifference, make the time they live with you to be one that you have good memoires of. Conversations, outings, sharing culture and food. It just means that your lives are enhanced by doing things together as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. For real, it’s easier to be emotionally present than emotionally absent.

And flip that coin, for reason number 2: If the purpose of hosting is that you need your student to fill void of friendship or parenting in an unhealthy way, it’s not a good fit at this time. Don’t host if you’re emotionally needy. Possibly join a club, take a class or try dating your significant other, or find a significant other. When a host parent looks to the student as a way to fill a void, that puts undue pressure on the student. Awkwardness replaces respect which can lead to friction. No body wants that! So don’t host if you’re emotionally needy? OK? OK! Thanks. Hit that

Reason number 1, I know this is not applicable with every agency, but some agencies provide host families with a stipend to cover the cost of room, board and transportation. Do not, I repeat, do not host for money. A stipend is a help in defraying cost of another individual living in the house, but shouldn’t be the reason to host. From what we’ve heard from our exchange student’s friends, what that looks like is: students are watched closely to see how much they’re eating at mealtimes, or food isn’t available for them. Other times it’s transportation to necessary places that are denied and other oddities. But the truth is, the students have a sense when they are being used. Ugh! Embarrassing to the home country!? Awkwardness prevails again, get ready for some friction. Hosting or exchanging isn’t fun for anyone.

Just so you know, if you receive stipend money, most of it will go towards food so expect that reflected in the grocery budget along with water and electricity, and some gas while driving them to important tests or activities. That money is meant to be spent on them. So don’t host for the money, OK? OK! Thanks!

Like I promised, a true story. Are you ready for this?

Students will come with their own spending money for discretionary items. What money and belongings they have, belong to them. I cannot believe I have to say this... One year, our family was taking a break from hosting, but we got a call from our coordinator to see if we’d take in a student the last 6 weeks of school. After discussion and planning, we took her in. We were her 3^rd home just that year. After a few weeks she opened up to me about her experiences. In her first home, her things, her most expensive things, were disappearing from her locked room while she was at school. A sentimental watch from her mother, just gone. She spoke to her host family and they denied it. The agency thought she might just be misplacing things so nothing was done. She thought maybe she could have just lost them? Except, this went on for months, obviously it wasn’t her. Her host family eventually confessed that their dog was able to open locked doors????? Sounds like my dog ate my homework. Yeah. And to add insult to injury, right before the agency finally moved her to the second home, a package she ordered that was marked successfully delivered, never made it into her hands. She was...what’s the word? Arg!

High five that dis like button if you are miffed at host families who exploit?

So there are my top 5 reasons NOT to host a FES. Don’t sign up if you don’t like the rules. Don’t host if you’re trying to convert followers to your religion. It’s not a good time to host if you’re vibe is emotionally absent or emotionally needy. And if you host, don’t be a scumbag if you think that this is a way to line your pockets at another human beings’ expense. But you and I aren’t going to do that, so everyone’s good! Right? Right. Thanks!

The question of the day, are there other reasons you can think of that are NOT great reasons to host? Place them in the comments below, I’d love to read them. And thank you for reading. 

Until our next adventure, Host Family, Exchange Student Life is helping you navigate through real life hosting and exchanging. Be extraordinary and we’ll talk soon.